Broadley speaking...

My brother and I are running out of ways to entertain ourselves. Today’s activity consisted of me, astride an old bicycle that we found in the back of the garage, and him, trying to knock me off said bicycle with a football, as I cycled at speed in circles around our garden while being chased by our small dog. All fun and games. But at least we can venture outside. I’ve been going slowly mad trapped indoors, with only silence and a potted cactus for company. Sometimes I’ve become so bored I’ve even started doing household tasks like hoovering, and cleaning things like basins and taps. I didn’t even know such things needed to be cleaned. I mean, they experience soap and water more often than most household objects, you’d think they cleaned themselves. I normally hate housework (most sane people do), except if it’s tidying my room. There’s an innate pleasure in walking into your room multiple times after a cleaning session, just observing the majesty that you’ve produced. Whenever m...

Why are people so competitive? Fair enough if you’re trying to get an Olympic gold medal or win the world cup, but I’ve just come close to armed combat with my brother after a lively discussion over who’s had the worst injury. I mean, come on. (It was me, by the way.) But why do people try and one-up each other over things like this? It’s not much of an achievement, is it? Like those people who walk up to a set of traffic lights and press the button, despite the fact that you’ve been standing there for the past minute. Do you think I don’t know how these work? Do you expect me to be grateful for your help? Why do you think it necessary to come and repeat an action that you KNOW I WILL HAVE DONE? Is it a strange power thing for you? A big ego trip for your odd rationality? Not a competitive action, I suppose, but something that really grinds my goat. Glad to have it off my chest. But in reality, it’s odd things that we choose to get competitive over. Like meals. In restaurants. Wh...

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that the majority of people have no idea what’s going on. Whether it’s discussing the weather or politics, science or sports teams, people like to pretend that they have a general grasp on life, but if people were surveyed, I imagine that 98% of them would all admit they’re pretending. The other night I was at a quiz in a local pub (sorry, Boris) which featured some questions regarding when songs were released. Immediately the room was filled with guesses, with people discussing things like, ‘1986? Was it 86?’   ‘I thought it was the early eighties?’ ‘Ooh, I thought later.’ While in reality, none of these people had ANY IDEA. People just guess to appear educated and interesting to their friends. But why do they do it? It’s like the grand national (but not this year), when my dad and brother sit with the newspaper looking at the horses’ stats while eating their cornflakes, thinking about previous wins and odds and how firm the ground mig...